I'm not really sure how to write about this, but I feel like I should put this out there. It's something that Shawn and I have experienced, and truthfully, I want people to know about it. I don't think that it's something we should hide, and so far, everyone who knows has been incredibly supportive. So here we go.
Last Thursday, I got a positive pregnancy test. We were pretty much shocked to see it. (TMI alert...if you don't want to know icky details, skip down past the picture.) It's not that we haven't been trying to get pregnant, it's just I thought I had gotten my period the week before. I won't explain what eventually led me to test, but once I did, I seriously couldn't believe it. But 3 tests later (with 3 different brands, no less), and it was pretty hard to deny it...I was pregnant!!
Once we finally realized that I was actually pregnant, we were thrilled! Shawn and I told our families and some of our closest friends, but given the fact that I mentioned in the above paragraph, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. After making my first couple OB appointments, I spoke with the clinic nurse and explained my concerns. She told me that what I experienced was relatively normal, but to be on the safe side, she wanted me to have blood tests taken to check for hormone levels. I went in for one blood draw on Friday night and a second one on Monday morning.
To explain briefly, when a woman is pregnant, the hormone hcG appears. This is what a home pregnancy test looks for, and most tests register as positive when the levels are at 20 or 25. This number continues to grow throughout the pregnancy, and this is what my blood was being screened for. The hcG levels between my two tests should have basically doubled.
However, my hcG level on Friday was in the 200's (I think around 250). On Monday, it was only 92. In other words, this was no longer considered a viable pregnancy...I was having (or had already had) a miscarriage. We were very saddened to hear this.
I did a lot of crying on Monday after getting my test results. We've gotten a lot of support from our friends and family, which has been so comforting. Today, I feel pretty good physically. Emotionally, I'm pretty drained. But in general, I feel a sense of peace about the situation, which I attribute completely to the huge amount of prayer that has been going out for us over the last 36 hours. A wonderful friend reminded me that our baby, despite being only a few weeks old, has a soul (yes...we're pro-life, and I wholeheartedly believe that life begins at conception). So I like to think of our little guy up there in Heaven, running around and driving God and the angels nuts. I've also decided to believe that his Grandpa Rick is keeping an eye on him. :) These thoughts make me smile.
I think the main reason I wanted to post this is because I don't think a miscarriage is something that should necessarily be hidden. Sadly, I know that it's relatively common. That's why a lot of women choose not to tell anyone about their pregnancy until they hear the heartbeat or see the first ultrasound or make it past the first trimester. They don't want to have to deal with telling people about a miscarriage. In my mind, though, I prefer to let people know what's happening so that we get their prayers and their support instead of trying to pretend that everything's happy.
So...the last few days have pretty much been a whirlwind. Within five days, we had incredibly exciting, wonderful news, only to have it taken away by incredible sadness. But I know that God has a wonderful plan for our lives. And hopefully, we'll have wonderful news to share again before too long.