Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I Felt Naked

I had the day off from work on Monday, so I decided to do a little shopping.  While I was out, I realized I should take in my rings to be cleaned, inspected, and rhodium plated.  (Rhodium is what keeps white gold looking silver instead of yellow...without getting this plating done from time to time, my rings would eventually look like yellow gold.)  Unfortunately, the plating takes some time, and I was apparently not the only one who thought she'd do this on a Federal holiday, so I had to leave my rings there overnight.

I felt naked.  I kept trying to play with my rings, and I would have a little shot of panic when I first felt that the rings were missing...and then I'd remember why and go about my business.  But Monday night and all day yesterday, it was driving me nuts.

Shawn picked the rings up for me last night between work and rugby practice, so I didn't actually get them back until about 10:00 last night.
Ahhh...much better!  I had missed them.  And now, aren't they super shiny and pretty?!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

RE Update

I went to the RE on Wednesday for a follow-up appointment and to go over all my test results.  I didn't really get any least, none that I wanted to hear.  The good news is that I seem to be pretty darn healthy.  No indication of clotting disorders or uterine deformities or hormone issues.  The bad news with that is that it basically means that there's no discernible reason for having two early miscarriages...which means there's not much that can be done to prevent another one from happening in the future.  I'll be taking low-dose aspirin and extra folic acid, and I'll continue taking progesterone supplements.  All of these things fall into the category of "we don't know for sure that they'll help, but they can't hurt."

The "scary" news for the day is that the doctor thinks that I have an issue with ovarian reserve, based on the number of follicles she could see during the ultrasound and the level of my FSH on cycle day 10 (after taking clomid for 5 days).  In other words, at the ripe old age of 32, my ovaries are starting to run out of quality eggs.  Because of this, her recommendation is either to just keep doing what we've been doing, or do IVF.  Because Shawn and I will not do IVF...well, this means that we just keep doing what we've been doing.

I'll admit that Wednesday's appointment was hard for me.  I left the office thinking primarily of the "ovarian reserve issue."  It's a very scary thing to be told that you're running out of time to have kids earlier than "normal."  I couldn't help but focus on "If we haven't been able to get and stay pregnant on our own in the last 18 cycles of trying, what makes me think we'll get pregnant now?"  Lots of "big picture" questions were going through my head, like what will our lives be like if we never have a child?

A few days have given me a bit of clarity, though.  In all does only take one good egg to make a child.  And I do have some...just not as many as I'd like.  When I left the RE's office, her suggestion of "do it on our own or do IVF" was very frustrating; but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she's been approaching the whole situation from the standpoint of trying to figure out why I've miscarried twice...not why I'm not currently pregnant.  Her reasons for not wanting to try a few cycles of clomid or even doing IUI was mainly because it still wouldn't address the issue of miscarriage (and with my numbers, I'd be at higher risk for ending up with 3 or 4).  But that's not to say that we can never get any help from her.

At this point, this is what we've decided.  Shawn and I are going to keep doing what we've been doing.  We're going to try our best to just put our faith in God and remind ourselves that He knows what He's doing, even when it doesn't make sense to us.  Our plan right now is to give it until June or so.  That would take us up to a year from the last miscarriage.  If at that point we're still not pregnant, we'll call someone (not sure OB/GYN, this RE, another RE...someone) to see if there's anything else we can try.

So...that's where we stand!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Still Here...

Darn it...I'd been doing so well with blogging at least once or twice a week.  :)  Oh well. 

I'm still here.  Really nothing super interesting to report right now.  I finished reading Frankenstein last week for the first time.  I have to say that it wasn't at all what I expected, but it was pretty good.  Now I'm re-reading Left to Tell, by Immaculee Ilibagiza.  I read it in July of 2009 (my review is here), and I'm reading it again for a book club that I'm hoping to start attending on a regular basis.  The book club meets on Sunday (I think...or maybe it's next week), so I need to read a bit faster!

I also have started my first class.  I have an assignment due in less than five hours, and I'll admit that I haven't actually started it yet.  I did do all of the reading that was assigned, but I haven't yet begun actually completing the work that needs to be turned in by midnight tonight.  Last week, I had to write my first website using XHTML code; it wasn't too bad.  Now I have to figure out how to write Cascading Style Sheets and apply them to the website I created last week.  Should be fun.

Shawn is at rugby practice right now, and Satchel is snuggled up next to me on the couch (with his head on my hip, snoring away).  Now that I've written a blog post...I should probably quit procrastinating and get to work on that assignment.  :)  (Teachers really are some of the worst students!)