I went to the RE on Wednesday for a follow-up appointment and to go over all my test results. I didn't really get any answers....at least, none that I wanted to hear. The good news is that I seem to be pretty darn healthy. No indication of clotting disorders or uterine deformities or hormone issues. The bad news with that is that it basically means that there's no discernible reason for having two early miscarriages...which means there's not much that can be done to prevent another one from happening in the future. I'll be taking low-dose aspirin and extra folic acid, and I'll continue taking progesterone supplements. All of these things fall into the category of "we don't know for sure that they'll help, but they can't hurt."
The "scary" news for the day is that the doctor thinks that I have an issue with ovarian reserve, based on the number of follicles she could see during the ultrasound and the level of my FSH on cycle day 10 (after taking clomid for 5 days). In other words, at the ripe old age of 32, my ovaries are starting to run out of quality eggs. Because of this, her recommendation is either to just keep doing what we've been doing, or do IVF. Because Shawn and I will not do IVF...well, this means that we just keep doing what we've been doing.
I'll admit that Wednesday's appointment was hard for me. I left the office thinking primarily of the "ovarian reserve issue." It's a very scary thing to be told that you're running out of time to have kids earlier than "normal." I couldn't help but focus on "If we haven't been able to get and stay pregnant on our own in the last 18 cycles of trying, what makes me think we'll get pregnant now?" Lots of "big picture" questions were going through my head, like what will our lives be like if we never have a child?
A few days have given me a bit of clarity, though. In all reality...it does only take one good egg to make a child. And I do have some...just not as many as I'd like. When I left the RE's office, her suggestion of "do it on our own or do IVF" was very frustrating; but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she's been approaching the whole situation from the standpoint of trying to figure out why I've miscarried twice...not why I'm not currently pregnant. Her reasons for not wanting to try a few cycles of clomid or even doing IUI was mainly because it still wouldn't address the issue of miscarriage (and with my numbers, I'd be at higher risk for ending up with multiples...like 3 or 4). But that's not to say that we can never get any help from her.
At this point, this is what we've decided. Shawn and I are going to keep doing what we've been doing. We're going to try our best to just put our faith in God and remind ourselves that He knows what He's doing, even when it doesn't make sense to us. Our plan right now is to give it until June or so. That would take us up to a year from the last miscarriage. If at that point we're still not pregnant, we'll call someone (not sure who...my OB/GYN, this RE, another RE...someone) to see if there's anything else we can try.
So...that's where we stand!